I keep thinking about my friend Sans' lovely post about her art project with her nephew, Nat, all about perfectionism and spontaneity. I've been mulling over the amount of control you need to assert over your process, how much you need to rein in and how much you need to let go, to have your artwork resemble what you imagine in your head. It's a constant back and forth, of course, there has to be some idea of a direct route, a certain amount of stick to your guns perfectionism to get flying, amorphous ideas to take a reasonable shape. But how much, and when, do you allow for accident, impulse, foolishness? Part of it depends on how you work - if what you do needs a steady hand, most of the free thinking probably needs to come early, in the planning stage. But if what you do allows for wrong turns, erasing, tearing out, you're more fortunate. You can riff.
The whole thing, Sans' post and my own struggles for balance, has reminded me of an old episode of Friends. I bet my doll house friends know exactly which one I'm talking about. I hate when I hear living, breathing, flesh and blood people describe themselves as being a tv character, this happened a lot during Sex and The City, (as in, adult women saying to each other "you're 95% a Carrie with a smidgen of Charlotte mixed in") (ack), and I bet it's being done again with the series Girls, a show I truly love so far. But I have to admit that watching this Friends episode the first time, and re-watching later, I get a burn of low-grade shame acknowledging who I'm more like, and who I would rather I be like.
Do you think that, ultimately, there's anything you can do about the way you are? Is the best possible route to push yourself to be the strongest version of the yourself, go all the way with your own version of things? Or should you fight the parts of your nature that seems to be fighting you? And are you doing yourself a disservice to think of yourself as only a Monica or a Phoebe, when there must be aspects of each of them in all of us?